Life
Set expectations early and often. Be explicit instead of implicit.
Use good defaults as the expectations and allow for exceptions or wiggle room. Make rules for the group, but treat individuals individually.
Inclusion is an active process. Equality is passive, equity is active. It’s “easy” to not exclude people, but it’s hard to include people. It takes work to include people.
Connections: Be a good person first, and a good engineer second. Adaptivity: Good defaults form a base, but allow for exceptions Repetition: Repetition, repetition, subversion, repetition. Forming habits is important, but don’t be afraid to mix it up. Expectations: Early and often. Communication is key. Expect it of yourself. Be explicit that you expect it of others.
Trust-first: Start with trust, and only remove it when it’s broken. Don’t start with distrust. The other person is the asshole if they break it, not you.
Everything in moderation, including moderation. Don’t be afraid to break the rules, but don’t break them too often.
Absolute statements are almost always wrong. Don’t use them.
Information is eveywhere. It is in everything people say, and in the gaps too.
Teaching
Teaching is a two-way street. I learn from my students as much as they learn from me. I am not the sole source of knowledge in the world, nor the classroom. I am a guide, a mentor, and a facilitator. I am not a dictator, a lecturer, or a sage. I provide a framework for learning, and I suggest robust, yet bespoke, tools to learn. I do not provide (all) the answers. I provide the questions and a space to explore them. Sometimes there are known answers, but the interesting questions seldom have those already. I am not the arbiter of truth, but I aim to be a guide to finding it.
Learning
Learning is available everywhere.
Surround yourself with smarter people.
Be humble, but confident. Be confident, but humble.
Go to a language course for your mother tongue.
Find out new things about the tools you use everyday. Read the readme.
Embrace change. When it is useful. When you are in control, make sure change is useful. Everything new has inertia.
Question everything
Good answers come from better-defined questions. What is asked-for and what is sought are not always the same. I aim to help students, clients, and colleagues find the right questions to ask, and to help them find the answers they seek. I do not provide the answers, but I can help them find them. I do not provide the questions, but I can help them curate them. I do not provide the tools, but I can help them mold them. I do not provide the knowledge, but I can help them seek it. I do not provide the wisdom, but I can help them cultivate it.
Opinions
Everyone has opinions and I weight them by their evidence.
You can have your own opinions, but not your own facts.
Be careful when using statistics.
Attitudes and behaviors are not the same thing. It is a long debate in psychology which comes first (hint: it depends).
You can be kind and honest. Don’t be an asshole because you forgot your filter. Centuries of emotional intelligence development have given us the tools to be kind and honest. Be a decent human being.
Strong opinions, weakly held.
Feedback
There are different types and levels of feedback.
Be clear about which type you are giving and which you are seeking.
Ask first what type of feedback someone is looking for.
Criticism is hard to give and hard to receive. Be kind when giving it, and be forgiving when receiving it.
Opportunity
Aim to be prepared while in many situations to be lucky.
Failure
You learn more from failure than success. Do it more often.
Avoid catastrophic failure. Everything else is a learning opportunity.
Celebrate your own failures, encourage others to do the same. Be kind when doing it.
Science
Science is a process, not a product.
It is a way of thinking, not a set of facts.
It is a way of knowing, not a set of knowns.
Career
Work is what we do for money.
Hobbies are what we do for fun.
They can be the same thing. But moderation is key.
Burnout can happen on things you enjoy.
When choosing your next job, consider
- People
- Project
- Place
That is my order, but it may not be yours. Place is a good filter but not the final determining factor. It is easier to work with amazing people on a shitty project than the inverse.
Culture
Explore other cultures. Learn from them. Share yours.
Appropriation is not the same as appreciation. Learn the difference.
Relationships
Trust first, but don’t be afraid to remove it.
Be around people who make you better.
If someone is rude about someone to you, this gives you information about them, not the person they are talking about.
You get to know someone from:
- What they say about themselves
- What others say about them
- What they say about others
- What they do
- What they say about what they do
- What they don’t say and don’t do
Don’t wait until a funeral to say nice things about people.
Mix up your greetings. It keeps things interesting, it gives meaning to interactions (you are purposeful about your words, rather than automatic), and it’s fun!
Strong friendships
Say nice things about people behind their backs and insult them to their face.
Inner peace
We don’t have time for everything.
We have to prioritise.
It sucks.
We affect what we can can, and accept what we can’t.
Seek to determine whether your known unknowns are knowable. If they are, seek to know them. If they are not, accept that they are not.
Leadership
Leadership is tricky; it is seldom a binary of lead or follow.
Context is crucial to understanding not only who is in charge, but who has authority and who has the most influence.
Here I outline a few of my thoughts and philosophies of leadership; including my own and those of others.
Leading from the middle - a push and pull for the whole team
I will start describing “leading from the middle” by first describing the two most referred leadership styles:
- Leading from the front
- Leading from the back
Leading from the front - do and pull
Leading from the front is the most obvious and intuitively understood form of leadership. The person in front says what needs to happen and does it by example. I view much of “leading from the front” as a “pull” philosophy of leadership. The success of the project is often dependent on your own performance in achieving concrete tasks within it.
Note that doing makes you a leader of yourself. But communicating your responsibilities and educating others on your actions is what transform doing into leading. Communication will always be vital, and the style of communication is highly contingent on the type of leader you are and the leadership style you employ.
However, a disadvantage of this style is that others in the team are all followers. If there are many followers, you cannot lead all of them because your capacity is limited. So, you promote a follower or find another leader to build capacity; you have now become a leader of leaders. Sounds even better. But what you do has changed. You are no longer doing the same as the original followers. You now spend more time managing and the examples you set (remember, the doing part) are increasingly far removed from what needs to get done on the ground. Which is fine, often necessary, and typical of a corporate hierarchy. But the number of people you lead is really only the direct level below you. Others may be left behind or restricted to only following. Furthermore, if this hierarchy grows large, the “leaders by doing” become leaders by historical doing (maybe experience is a nicer term, but this serves to get the point across) or leaders from the back.
Leading from the back - advise and push
to add
My leadership experiences
I am a surprising leader.
Meaning, my own leaders have been surprised at my leadership competence when given the opportunity.
I may also surprise you with leadership opportunities.
I am not a “natural leader”.
Maybe I provide too much nuance to be seen as definitive in my actions. Maybe I ask others about what they would do more than an expected “leader from the front”. Maybe I am too calm to seem like I am taking it seriously. Maybe it is because I am not the most confident person or extroverted person in a group. Maybe it is because I follow too easily to seem like someone who knows where to go. Maybe it is because I am too easygoing to seem like someone who can hustle.
My philosophy is: let the best leader lead.
If someone wants to lead, they should be given the chance. But I will also make it clear that I will not follow an incompatible leader. More likely than not, if I find a leadership style insufficient for the project, I will start and lead my own project.
Today, I have led teams of 4, 10, 20, 50, and more. I run 30-day summer courses and 3-day 300+ conferences, advise and consult growing communities, present to 1000s of people simultaneously, mentor one-on-one, run small development teams, and coordinate projects with multi-skilled people to deliver millions in value.
I make decisions. Lots of them. From money to communication. From promotions of people to prioritising projects. I build products and empower people. When I leave unexpectedly due to unforeseen circumstances, my lack of presence is felt.
My aim is to make myself useful but not necessary. Things should progress without me, but I make things go better/smoother/faster/happier. As a community leader, I aim to make my advice desired but not needed. I will continue to teach and educate so that my thoughts and opinions can be expressed even when I am not there. I will make sure my personality is missed and not just my expertise.
I will empower others to do their best and find places for that to happen.
I will transfer my responsibilities when there is someone better suited. And I will make sure they are comfortable taking them on. I will make my experience and education meaningful.
I will set expectations that match the people, the project, and the place.