Life
Set expectations early and often. Be explicit instead of implicit.
Use good defaults as the expectations and allow for exceptions or wiggle room. Make rules for the group, but treat individuals individually.
Inclusion is an active process. Equality is passive, equity is active. It’s “easy” to not exclude people, but it’s hard to include people. It takes work to include people.
Connections: Be a good person first, and a good engineer second.
Adaptivity: Good defaults form a base, but allow for exceptions
Repetition: Repetition, repetition, subversion, repetition. Forming habits is important, but don’t be afraid to mix it up.
Expectations: Early and often. Communication is key. Expect it of yourself. Be explicit that you expect it of others. Create external expectations (those of others) based on their experience, not just yours and what you would do. We all have had unique adventures that influence who we are, and different stories still to tell. Context is key.
Trust-first: Start with trust, and only remove it when it’s broken. Don’t start with distrust. The other person is the asshole if they break it, not you.
Everything in moderation, including moderation. Don’t be afraid to break the rules, but don’t break them too often.
Absolute statements are almost always wrong. Don’t use them.
Information is everywhere. It is in everything people say, and in the gaps too. Aim to maximise information, and be introspective about acquiring information.
If you are reacting, then you have less control than you think. Plan enough that works for you. Some things require more forethought than others. Find the balance that works for you (that is effective without causing anxiety).
If a task takes less than 2 min, do it immediately.
Be as consistent as possible. More so ideally.
Reflect.
Aim to do no harm and also good. Prioritise accordingly.
Observe first without judgement. Be impressed by default. Be positively critical. Have a low threshold for curiosity and a high threshold for judgement.
Experiment with using other points of view, not just viewing other points.
Teaching & Learning
I am not the sole source of knowledge in the world, nor the classroom. I am a guide, a mentor, and a facilitator. Learning is available everywhere; the interesting questions seldom have answers already.
Read more: Teaching & Learning — on being a guide rather than an oracle, questioning everything, and learning from anywhere.
Opinions
Opinions should be formed by weighting their evidence (and counter evidence) critically.
My most useful statistical principle is: “what can this evidence be compared against?” Many other statistical principles can be derived thereof. E.g. empirical experience can be compared against population data.
Attitudes and behaviors are not the same thing. It is a long debate in psychology which comes first (hint: it depends).
You can be kind and honest. Don’t be an asshole because you forgot your filter. Centuries of emotional intelligence development have given us the tools to be kind and honest. Be a decent human being.
Consistently moderate.
Feedback
There are different types and levels of feedback.
Be clear about which type you are giving and which you are seeking.
Ask first what type of feedback someone is looking for.
Criticism is hard to give and hard to receive. Be kind when giving it, and be forgiving when receiving it.
Opportunity
Aim to be prepared, so you get to be lucky in as many situations as possible.
Failure
You learn more from failure than success. Do it more often.
Avoid catastrophic failure. Everything else is a learning opportunity.
Celebrate your own failures, encourage others to do the same. Be kind when doing it.
Science
Science is a process, not a product.
It is a way of thinking, not a set of facts.
It is a way of knowing, not a set of knowns.
Career
Work is what we do for money.
Hobbies are what we do for fun.
They can be the same thing. But moderation is key.
Burnout can happen on things you enjoy.
When choosing your next job, consider
- People
- Project
- Place
That is my order, but it may not be yours. Place is a good filter but not the final determining factor. It is easier to work with amazing people on a shitty project than the inverse.
Culture
Explore other cultures. Learn from them. Share yours.
Appropriation is not the same as appreciation. Learn the difference.
Relationships
Trust first, but don’t be afraid to remove it.
Be around people who make you better.
If someone is rude about someone to you, this gives you information about them, not the person they are talking about.
You get to know someone from:
- What they say about themselves
- What others say about them
- What they say about others
- What they do
- What they say about what they do
- What they don’t say and don’t do
Don’t wait until a funeral to say nice things about people.
Mix up your greetings. It keeps things interesting, it gives meaning to interactions (you are purposeful about your words, rather than automatic), and it’s fun!
Strong friendships
Say nice things about people behind their backs and insult them to their face.
Inner peace
We don’t have time for everything.
We have to prioritise.
It sucks.
We affect what we can, and accept what we can’t.
Seek to determine whether your known unknowns are knowable. If they are, seek to know them. If they are not, accept that they are not.
Leadership
Leadership is tricky; it is seldom a binary of lead or follow. Context is crucial to understanding not only who is in charge, but who has authority and who has the most influence.
My aim is to make myself useful but not necessary.
Read more: Leadership — leading from the front, the back, and the middle; and my own leadership experiences.